The Hidden Opponent Admin

My name is Julian Bell, and I am a medically retired student-athlete at Clemson University. I played lacrosse from first grade through my sophomore year of college, until I medically retired due to chronic stress reactions and chronic shin splints in both legs. I tried every treatment imaginable, but nothing worked. Eventually, we resorted to surgery: 8-inch plates and 6 screws in each shin during my freshman year of college.

TW: mentions of eating disorders I’ve never been one to keep it short, so short story long… As an adult, I wasn’t prepared to be asked: "Who am I if I’m not performing? After the crowds, the team lifts, the stats. For a long time, I thought the hardest things I faced were on the field, in the gym, or in the classroom. Looking back, I know that wasn’t true. My athletic career had a clear finish line; the laces were hung up, the early morning lifts stopped, and I could finally go back to...

The first thing I remember is the sound. Not the wind moving through the trees. Not my teammates talking in the distance. Not even the ball leaving the clubface. The sound. A sharp, sickening noise came from my wrist the moment I swung the club.