Tiffany Million: Living with Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Intrusive Thoughts

Exhaustion. That’s the first word I think of when I think about Anxiety. I could be sitting on  the couch, doing the dishes, taking a shower, scrolling on my phone, and a thought could appear out of nowhere. What if something bad happens? What if one of my loved ones gets in a car accident? What if I receive bad news about my health? This is what it’s like for someone living with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD).  

Telling someone who has GAD to “stop worrying” is not a good suggestion. It is not something that you can switch off like a light switch by just thinking positively. It is a persistent sense of unease that gets stuck even when life is relatively calm. For many people, anxiety isn’t only in our thoughts. It’s in our bodies too. Fast breathing. Clenched jaw. Tight shoulders. Diarrhea. All of this happens because your brain refuses to power down and senses danger. It’s your nervous system stuck in fight or flight mode, even when you’re safe.  

Anxiety has a way of making your mind feel like it’s working against you. One of the most misunderstood and distressing parts of anxiety is intrusive thoughts. Those sudden,  unwanted thoughts that seem to come out of nowhere and refuse to leave. They are uninvited thoughts that pop up in your mind. They’re often disturbing, upsetting, and completely out of character for who you are. They are lies. They are bullies. They are the opposite of you. They are not desires. They are not intentions. They are not predictions.  They are produced by an anxious brain that is desperately trying to protect you, even when it doesn’t know how. Having an intrusive thought does not mean you want them, believe them, or will act on them.  

After experiencing PTSD from my childhood trauma, my life has never been the same.  Anxiety and intrusive thoughts got hold of my brain and body, and I have looked at mental health in a completely different way. Once I experienced my first intrusive thought, they got worse and louder. They were violent, disturbing, and I felt trapped inside thoughts I never chose. After having these thoughts on repeat, my anxiety got so severe that the next thing I  knew, I was in a mental health crisis. I reached out to a family member for help and got set up with a licensed therapist and psychiatrist. That is the best decision I could have ever made. It was evident that I had never healed from my childhood trauma, and it was finally time to start the healing process.  

I always thought anxiety was just worrying too much. What I didn’t know was that it also meant having thoughts that scared me, thoughts that didn’t feel like me at all. Thoughts that appear in your head and immediately make you wonder, “Why would I think that? What does that say about me? Those were intrusive thoughts, and they were the hardest part of my anxiety journey. I worried that just having the thought made me a bad person. Or that if I didn’t “fix” it immediately, something terrible would happen.  

We know that everyone has random thoughts. The difference with anxiety is how you react to it. An anxious mind is constantly scanning for danger. So when intrusive thoughts pop up, anxiety says, “Pay attention. This is dangerous.” The more you fear the thought, try to fight it or push it away, the more your brain flags it as a threat, causing it to come back even stronger. It starts to become a loop in your mind. Thought – Fear – Fixation – More  Thoughts. And before you know it, you're stuck wondering what's wrong with you.  

What I want people to know is that there is a way out. Instead of arguing with the thought,  you shift in how you respond to them. First and foremost, name it. “This is an intrusive  thought, not a fact.” Allow it. Simply let it exist without engaging or analyzing it. Ground yourself. Bring your attention back to your body, breath, and surroundings. Practice self-compassion. Anxiety thrives on shame. Kindness weakens it. Anxiety can make your mind feel like an unsafe place, but that doesn’t mean it always will be. Healing doesn’t come from controlling your thoughts; it comes from learning how to be gentle with yourself when they show up. Living with this condition is not easy, but I have made tremendous progress.  The biggest difference is not that they are nonexistent, but it is my response to them. Before it was thought – fear – spiral – panic. Now it is thought – recognition – discomfort – passes.  That’s healing.  

If you struggle with mental health or any kind of mental health condition, you are not alone.  Please know that intrusive thoughts are a symptom, not a reflection of your character, and help is available. I learned that anxiety does not define me; it is something that I am just learning how to manage. As a former advisor for student-athletes, I love seeing more athletes talk about their mental health and what they may be battling in their minds. Your voices are heard, and your voices matter. Anyone who shares their stories is making a difference, and it is beautiful to see.