Brooke Lukasevicz: Finding My Purpose Beyond the Court

When I committed to University for volleyball, I was eager to begin a new chapter. After enduring injuries and financial setbacks in high school, finally achieving my goal was especially gratifying. Going into college, I was told I would be met with a supportive community that encourages growth and instills confidence in individuals both on and off the court. From the start of preseason, I quickly realized my experience would be far from my expectations.

I experienced such poor and unfair treatment by my coaches that I can only describe it as emotional abuse. I found myself consistently excluded from drills and denied coaching feedback. While my teammates were improving through serve-and-pass, digging, and game-play situations, I was told to serve endlessly, shag balls, or stand on the sidelines. At one point, after a couple of imperfect passes, I was kicked off the court with no explanation, replaced in practice plans by an assistant coach who filled my position from that practice on. Throughout this experience, my coaches only acknowledged me when absolutely necessary, leaving me to feel isolated from my own team.

The lack of opportunity and the constant public dismissal ate away at my confidence and sense of self. What had once been my safe space became a source of anxiety and isolation. Anxiety and isolation that became depression and self-loathing. I lost sleep, my motivation faded, and the sport I loved no longer felt like mine. As a part of this team, I felt unwanted and invisible. My teammates saw it too, many expressed heartbreak at what I endured, and some admitted that I had done what they wished they could do: walk away.

Leaving this University was not an easy choice, but it was a necessary one. I spoke with many mental health professionals, including a personal therapist, college counselor, and the team psychologist, all of whom advised me to leave the team. Some even went as far as to say I should consider transferring for the next semester or drop out of the school entirely.

Those closest to me didn’t recognize the person I had become and pointed out how physically and mentally drained I looked. Once my family told me there was no way I could return to that School the following year, I realized how bad it had gotten. This was only confirmed for me when I felt like I could finally breathe again after I left the team. A weight had been lifted from my shoulders, and I felt as though I was beginning to get myself back again. I had never thought that playing college volleyball, something that had been a dream of mine, would cause me to lose myself entirely.

Making this decision meant refusing to sit by and allow an athletic program to destroy my mental health. It meant I would no longer allow a coach to define my worth as an athlete and an individual. I learned that even though I was leaving the University Volleyball Team, I wasn’t quitting the sport, just redefining my role. Once I realized I wouldn’t be receiving the help I felt I deserved, I knew that chapter of my life was coming to an end.

Now, at Vanderbilt University, I’ve been presented with a new opportunity in my academics and social life. I am pursuing my studies in Law, History, and Society with a minor in Psychology, and I’ve been able to integrate my experience into some of my coursework. I’ve been taught how to advocate for those in similar positions I was once in. Most importantly, I’ve received an opportunity to reconnect with the sport through the Women’s Club Volleyball Team. Playing here has reminded me why I fell in love with volleyball in the first place. The game is fun again, and I feel supported and valued as both a teammate and an individual.

Overall, my experience has lit a fire in me. As a coach myself, I’ve made it my mission to ensure no player under my care endures the treatment I did or feels how I once felt. I want to use my story to help others recognize that they are not alone. Athletes should never have to sacrifice their mental health and self-worth for the game. No one should make you feel like you have no purpose or are less than those around you. Sometimes the right choice is the most difficult one to make, but there are ways to get through it. There are ways to stay involved in your sport. And most importantly, there are ways to reclaim your purpose and identity. I hope that by sharing what I went through and how I’ve rebuilt my confidence, I can be a voice for others who are struggling silently. Walking away from the first University was not the end of my volleyball journey. It was the start of something greater, reclaiming my love for the game and using my experience to create awareness and change.